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[anne627]

I do hope all the bad stuff gets better for you, Timeless.  Keep in touch and feel good.

[trace1627]

Well, the day I dreaded arrived...the other day I had a lovely 2 hour conversation with my dad. He was pretty lucid and only became confused a few times. Later that day, he told my brother that he had a great conversation with Tracey, but then wanted to know WHO Tracey is.
I was pretty upset about that but James told me to focus on the fact that the whole time we talked, my dad knew who I was, which is true. But it IS the beginning of him forgetting us. My dad has photos in frames of all family members in his living room, so I told my sister that we should label them with not only our names but also our relationships to him. So my photo would say 'your daughter, Tracey'. That way, he would be reminded daily of us instead of the photos just becoming people he doesn't know, and when he's on the phone with us, he can look at the photos to know for sure who it is in case he's confused.

[anne627]

Trace, it is a good idea to put your names and relationships with the photos.  It will help your dad for now, while he remembers to look at the photos.  It is heartbreaking when your dad doesn't associate you with your name.  He remembered your name and wondered who you were, so he knew you are important to him.

[anne627]

I found out today that my first cousin, a lot older than I, passed away today.  She was very nice.

Phil learned that he has to get a skin cancer removed next week.  It isn't a serious one, but he won't be able to swim for a few weeks.

[RHCPLuv1991]

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, anne627.

[anne627]

Thank you, RHCPLuv1991.  The funeral is today in NJ in the snow.  I am in FL and won't be going because of that.

[RHCPLuv1991]

You're welcome, anne627.

[aloaizad]

This morning I'm with discomfort in the stomach. Perhaps the milk I took made me ill

[anne627]

This morning I'm with discomfort in the stomach. Perhaps the milk I took made me ill

aloaizad, I hope you are feeling better now.

[trace1627]

Well, it looks like my relationship with James may be coming to an end. He is fed up with my son's laziness and lack of consideration and respect and has announced that he will no longer be around him. Kind of difficult to be in a relationship with me then, since my son lives with me. I will be heartbroken if he decides to end it, and I will have to surmise that I didn't mean that much to him if he can just do that, which will hurt even more. But right now there is nothing I can do. My son has Asperger's and is not capable of living on his own and any kind of assisted living program has a wait list of at least 2 years. My kids' afflictions have always been a problem for him and I should have seen this coming. I know that if we end our almost 2 year relationship, I will not be running out to start another one. I should have known that my life and the stresses that come with it would be too much for anyone. Maybe if I look for anyone else EVER, it should be someone with a similar situation who can understand the things I go through as a parent of children with disabilities. James has never had children at all, let alone ones with disabilities, so he cannot understand the depth of love and commitment a parent feels...which doesn't end just because the child becomes an adult.

[Carcar]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, Trace.  Hopefully you can find someone that respects and supports you, and in the same situation. 
I watched a mom today with her son, he was around 14 and it was obvious that he had a disability of some sort as he seemed to behave much younger and I
admired the tender and loving way she handled him.
Maybe your boyfriend mistakes his mental disability for laziness. If he can't be a contributing member of society, its not his fault.
Don't give up.

[anne627]

I am sorry about this, trace.  Can your son learn to be respectful, even with Asperger's?  Is there some kind of training program he can go to that would teach him a trade so he can be self-supporting?

I do think that James should try to be patient with him, but he doesn't have kids and they all require patience.

There are more understanding men out there, I am sure. I now someone who is dating a woman with two kids with learning disabilities and one also has depression.  He feels like they are his kids and he is divorced with two kids of his own.

I hope that it works out for you in a way tat you will be happy.

[trace1627]

Thank you Carcar, much appreciated.  

Unfortunately, my son IS one of the laziest people I have ever encountered. He behaves like he is privileged which is how his father basically taught him to be. Adrian is high functioning, able bodied and very smart, there is no reason he cannot help around the house or have a job. And this is a 24 year old we're talking about too. It is highly frustrating and stressful having him living with me and my daughter...she and I live harmoniously and work together in our home, but he acts like he pays rent so he doesn't have to do anything else. He eats everything and we have had to put things in a locked pantry and I had to buy a fridge to keep in my room because he does not respect what belongs to other people or that other people need to eat too. Part of his AS is obsessions and one of his obsessions is food.

I don't want to sound like I hate my kid because I most certainly don't, but he is not fun to be around a lot of the time. But he is still my son and I would never just kick him out. I understand James's frustration, he feels that Adrian will live with me forever, but ending things with me seems a ridiculous, 'cut off your nose to spite your face' way to handle things. He called me earlier before he left for work and said nothing about what he had said earlier regarding Adrian, but things were just way too 'polite'. He often does that when he realizes he's behaved badly. I guess I will see what happens when he is supposed to spend a weekend here next. If he refuses to because of Adrian then I know this can't possibly get better.

[trace1627]

Thanks Anne. I called the Autism Society today and left a message asking for some info about adult programs that teach life and job skills and about any assisted living programs in the area. They didn't get back to me today, hopefully tomorrow.

[anne627]

trace, is it possible for Adrian to live in a group home or an ndependent Living situation where he is followed by a case worker who would also try to get hin into society and working?